Guide to Understanding Personal Pronouns

We. I. You. Each. All. Everyone. These are all pronouns. However, these are not the pronouns that spur contentious political action or feature in academic lawsuits.

Using and sharing personal pronouns such as they/them, he/his, and she/her is a major advocacy point for many LGBTQ+ people because it is closely connected to their identities and their relationships to others. Trans and non-binary people especially are eager to be referred to by the correct pronouns as a way to affirm their identities as they go through social or medical transitions.

Each year, The Trevor Project’s national survey on LGBTQ+ youth mental health indicates the life-saving importance of using LGBTQ+ people’s correct pronouns. For example, the 2022 survey found that 47% of respondents felt support from parents or caregivers when their names and pronouns were used correctly.

Personal pronouns are the pronouns an individual uses to refer to themself and how others should refer to that person. Pronouns are necessary for communicating with and about each other.

Neopronouns refer to pronouns that have been newly created or popularized for personal use. New sets of pronouns may be created as an alternative to more well-known sets of pronouns and offer trans and nonbinary people a wider variety of pronouns to choose from if they would like to use different pronouns.

When someone shares their pronouns, either verbally during an introduction activity or in writing such as in their email signature, those pronouns should always be used unless that person has communicated otherwise.

There may be instances where someone doesn’t want their pronouns used due to safety concerns, such as if a parent or guardian is present that doesn’t know their student uses different pronouns at school than they do at home.

The table below provides a list of regularly used pronouns and how to use them in a sentence. This is not an exhaustive list and focuses on American English pronouns.

Acknowledge the mistake, correct yourself in the moment, and move on. Do not apologize excessively as this can put undue stress on the person who’s been mispronouned to console you instead. Do not justify the mistake by stating things like “I’m trying,” as this can be perceived as though using someone’s pronouns is an inconvenience.

If you don’t realize you made a mistake until much later, briefly acknowledge your past mistake in your next conversation or bring it up with them when you realize what happened. Try something like, “By the way, I realize I used an incorrect pronoun last time we spoke. I’m sorry about that.”

Yes. Asking people’s pronouns normalizes the practice and contributes to more inclusive spaces. You shouldn’t assume anyone’s pronouns. Start by sharing your own pronouns and ask others to share. You can simply ask “What are your pronouns?” or “What pronouns would you like used in this space?”

If the person is hesitant to respond or gives a response such as “Anything’s fine,” don’t force the issue — folks may not feel safe or comfortable sharing their pronouns.

Anyone can use these pronouns for themselves. If referring to another person, these pronouns should only be used if that person has shared they use ze/zir pronouns.